INSOMNIA...

3am...still awake doing nothing

it seems everyday i dun wanna shut my eyes
afraid that if i go 2 sleep, i will lose another day
i want time to run slow
i want the world to wait for me
cos i'm stuck...i need time to move on but ur not waiting for me!

but i know it won't happen n naively i stay awake
accompanying darkness believing that time is being drag behind

i dun like the "me" now...its lost, confused, dazed, naive, illogical, hesistant
y am i not moving...wut am i waiting for or fear for?
not prepare to step into da real world? not ready to be an adult?
yes, i'm escaping from my problems by slacking off
i wanna just give up, do nothing, dun wanna be stuck in da life cycle, dun wanna be a replica of "human"
i wanna magically skip the stages of living to death...it would be easier

being human is tiring...reminds me of math, why do we have to show our steps to get to the solution. Y can't we just list the solution..hell y do we need math. Y do we have to walk all stages of the life before we die. Y do we need a life or be human?

going to sleep, i want to be crazy but the world is sane...

WANNA RUNAWAY

B-DAY
tried running away from b-day wshes from my friends. Closed my cell, msn ec. But one snatch me by calling my house b4 i was ready to go out, one called my brother's cell, one sent me an email. These kids are good catching ppl like CIAs man...i nvr liked b-days... i just hate it...born like dat dunno y...maybe i just dun like being born...or i just dun enjoy da overwhelming focus on me during b-day
but i dun wanna reject ppl... so every year ppl make parties for me, give me gifts n send me b-day wishes. So dis yr i tried shutting it all down...guess dat worked a lil only..

so hit da JAP bookstore @ Yaohan n grabbed a copy of Fall/Summer Collection 06 of BAPE...sweet gift--exclusive totebag from BAPE. Their collection looking glam dis yr...grab it!

sidenote---o ya... saw a really nasty guy (age 40-50) with long curly hair, wearing TANK tops, short and i mean short jeans. This is da second time i saw him, my bro saw him 1st time today n he almost threw up n died. Man, wut's wrong w/ him, it's so damn distrubing. 2 times in a row, i first thought he was a girl looking from behind. Shit....nasty...should haf took a pic of it but my eyes mite go blind

afterwards, we hit da mall to get sum facial care thingies from FACE SHOP...emulsion n body cream


PROOF
i told ya i hate pictures since i was born...here's proof showing da evolution hahaha...da fourth one, my parents said was a "force n unwilling" smile~



MAKEUPS
Sugar baby shimmer power from Australia. They've got a cool line of makeup...loving it

Lancome back 2 skool set comes in 2 shades, brown and one i've got ...pink n comes with a kick ass case (bag) @ da side

D.O.B

22 yrs ago from today, i was born.
almost 1/4 of my life has past away, but now is just da beginning
i alwayz feel dat i will be able to do wut i want...in the future
now i'm in doubt, now it's drifting to another direction
do i give in or maybe adapt to it? but i feel unwillingly to let it just...go
or am i not trying hard enough? or should i even waste my time n try?
so many questions wid no ans...

from a boost of wish n hopes toward everything...now i'm caving in n realize...
"wow...so it's not so great afterall," "i should be worrying now"
now i gotta accept da fact dat u hafta prove it, ppl hafta see it n maybe u just can't do it
i dunno...b4 i dunno y ppl like skool...i just wanna get outta there n do sumthing great, i feel u can't do anything if ur stuck in skool...it's true but da only reason y skool is great: it's simple, period

i know i will look back to dis one day n laugh...cos everybody will find their place in the world sumtime but da process is hard n i dun like waiting. quick...unfold, quick...show me!
so i'm using my b-day as a reminder of me dis day being a freak
n telling myself...not to worry...what comes may...i believe dis is a sign for me to wisely use dis time to prepare myself
i still believe that i'm great haha!

bored as hell, took sum pix n messed it up w/ fotoshop...one became my wallie on my notebook...also showing da originals...neat shitz



3am...snoozing outz

P.S. i care about my DOB, i could care less abt my b-day...if looking, sorry mates, appreciate all but dun rub it in. peace...

我會好好過

SEOUL EXPRESS...

1:36 am..still awake
i feel sick, not physically but mentally
everything and everyone is changing but i feel dat i'm just standing there
dunno wut to do
i believe dis is just a stage...i hope...n everything will unfold

seems like sumtimes disappearance or lost is needed to learn how 2 cherish things...dis saying is so true n hard 2 swallow.
y can't ppl cherish b4 it's is lost?
u just can't cos it's human nature n ppl prioritize life differently than others
so maybe wuts important 2 u, it's not important to them

family, career, friends, money, fame...which is ur top 3? u say family, friends, and love but u work ur ass off on ur career n forget abt ur family. So ironically ur not making an effort in preserving wut u BELIEVE is most important to u but contradict urselves by cherishing sumthings else. So think twice.

Though sum ppl do work hard for their top 3s. For me family, friends n career is wut important to me now. Love is not here. As funny as it may sound, i'm actually doing a good job, i haf no time 4 relationships. So next time, think again abt ur top 3 n c if u contradict urself. Maybe friends is not so important to u as u said it was. U say u dun care abt luv but u input ur whole nrg into it. Wut u say is not wut u do.

on the note of cherish n care. Thx Sungkyu오빠 4 da early b-day gifts from Seoul. Da gifts r very thoughtful...i was touched n surprised

EAST MEETS WEST

CALLED OFF
so my plan 2 Beijing is off, why? I simply rejected the offer. It all sounded just fair actually but tolerable...until problems start to occur.

benefits...
in terms of benefits... I really dun like da way how China works. They dun haf good working systems outlining pay, benefits etc. I haf to ask em or even suggest to them wut it should be. In the end, they say "sorry, china has nothing like that"...

attitude
so i'm willing to suffer a bit for a better cause. which means a good boss or company. I felt my boss was a decent person at da 1st place...cos how she requested for my help n showed her sincerity by providing accomodation n company. Also, outlined da benefits she would gif me (housing, food). So it all sounds like she's ahem begging me rite? So we requesting med insurance coverage n NOW shes like "can't do that, i'm actually helping YOU to recognize beijing"....do i smell turning the table tactic? I'm begging YOU now, wen was that?

culture difference?
man...dis is a MAJOR problem...din know as a Chinese myself, how different I am with mainlanders. Outlining just a few...

1. They simply can't be straightforward and tell us what they want. They like to talk in hints and simply luv to play mind games. How? Eg. If you're being offered a job (not being hired), that means your employer admires your abilities one way or the other right? That's the Western way.
In China, yes it's kinda the same but they would add sumthing like "ya, so i really would want u to come work ASAP... and oh, I got a friend to help me coming from da States too" or " ya, you're such a great person, ur worth is like priceless... o ya, but 1000 US i can hire someone from local universities." So ur getting all these mix messages like... you like me but then u trash me at the same time?! i dun like guessing games here! Trust me, hire me. Dun trust me, dun hire me~ simple as that!~

2. They simply dun trust anyone and believe everyone is disloyal. So by trashing u is to let u think that they dun need to depend on u and can always find someone better. But little do they know, the more u treat employees this way, the more disloyal they become. It's a vicious cycle.

3. Pamperness is evilness--one day they can treat u all nice, the next day they're all like in a "I dun care" mood. They give u a sense of disorganization and insecurity. Why would they do that if they want to hire you? The point is, they dun really want to hire, they want your money. That is, they can be ur servant anyday if they haf sumthing they want from u. This is the story. I rejected her offer about investing in her company (cos technically we dun trust her company which we haf seen nothing of) After the rejection, that's wen da attitude change occurred. So we're guessing, they were just using dis "job offer" as a bait to get us to invest in their company. If u dun, they start giving u problems, get all laid back n lazy about ur job.

So, good thing i wasn't too hyped up about working in China. It was actually in my career plan. I was just playing along n see wut she gave me. I mean dis job has to be damn good for me to giv up Canada ok?!


The Eastern way is just too different from the Western way. Even though I'm Chinese I have been living in Canada too long that I'm used to being organized and everything being systematic. But the way China works is --nothing should be in black and white, systems are to be built when problems occur. One eye open, one eye shut. So all in all, i rejected the offer simply cos--it's a culture thing. The culture i've been brought up w/ conflicts w/ their culture and i simply cannot habituate w/ it. Sad to know as a Chinese.

I'm not exaggerating, this is not the 1st mainlander i've dealt w/ n i actually decided to gif dis one a chance. They're all the same actually...sigh...how is China ever gonna be strong? There are exceptions like..the rest of Asia haha cos like HK n Taiwan are more Westernized.

I'm sure there are exceptions...prolly one in 10000000.... n wen it's a more international company. Pix says a 1000 words...east meets west

BEIJING: DAY 3 N ON...

DAY 3: SUMMER PALACE N PEKING DUCK
3 day we hit summer palace early morning. They say that da Summer Palace is 4 times larger than da Forbidden City. That means dat CiXi's resting area is even larger than da emperor's palace. Talking about girl power eh? Being inside da summer palace amazes me even more than da Forbidden City. Cos we're talking about an old lady's retirment home which is larger than life, almost all da design, statues or architecture inside has meaning implying her greatness or superior over males. There's da phoenix on the superior side of the dragon implying her superiority over males. More examples:

A Benz given as a gift from da British which was ignored n put into sum storage area (after her enuch driver fell off the car as CiXi wanted da enuch driver to kneel as he drove because she din want da enuch to be sitting down like her!)

a replica of Hang Zhou's famous West Lake inside da Summer Palace as CiXi wanted one!

CiXi's own stage to watch drama n plays. She sat across from dis in another huge room with a large sofa/couch...sweet


aftermath...
we're so tired and hot after da palace visit..we went to a neat tea house place. Inside the design was exactly like da old dayz. So cool, i feel like having tea in an environment age hundred of years ago!


Quan Ju De...world famous
check da numbers...the amount of Peking Duck eaten since opening~~ we get a little certificate saying which number we're having...billion, gazillion hehe dis place is PACKED! world recognition num 1!


when?
can't remember when but sum dayz we would take a walk n pass by da Tiananmen Square. We never went there cos so busy everyday. But just looking at it faraway displays a sense of graveness. The atmosphere is really hard 2 describe. Greatness!


AFTER DAY 3...
after 3 days we farewelled Fang Yi and Old Zhang n met up with another friend who is also (will be) my boss. It was a total social hierarchy climb. Meeting w/ her we experienced the higher upper class of China (cos she's rich). WE din lived in hotels but she gave us her second house to live in! We rested on da 4th day n on da 5th day we hit Great Wall!


can't remember which day, at night she showed us one of the 2 most famous pub areas. One was San Li Dun, we went to Hou Hai. So bling and glam, we changed severals pub cos it was too loud (World Cup Fever), n we finally settled in a pub called "Sex and the City" hehe~ sorry for blurred pic, walking as i took da pic. Da atmosphere was great, nothing in Cnd can compared to it


tired of talking about Beijing n dis highlights most of everything i've been to. Rest of days wasn't so much sightseeing cos we're also here 4 business purposes. So no pics taken n confidential indeed hehe...

chow down w/ next up!

BEIJING: DAY 2

so continuing w/ da backtracking of mah trip (which is a good thing cos I haf a poor memory) hehe...

HOTEL ROOMS
so wen we did arrive to da hotel da first nite, our friend wanted to switch hotels for us. He said dat dis 5 star hotel we're at had rooms not meeting da 5 star standard. He upgraded our rooms to Executive but da quality still just looks like a decent 4 star room. I mean a 5 star exec room in Las Vegas, we're talking like bling n glamourous. So our friend apparently is in doubt how da Chinese government assigned da "5 stars" to dis hotel....hm... So dats why ppl say when u go to China, u definitely must go to 4-5 star hotel, anything else is garbage. A 5 star rated CHina hotel, prolly looks like 4 star Canadian. Not generalizing but heard most of them is like dat ha...

n we're off for some breakfast...inside my taxi capturing the old houses Beijing style


NEW & OLD BREAKFAST
so Old Zhang and our friend Fang bot us to try sum local breakfast. Old Zhang told us these breakfast dun taste yummy to u (city ppl), but it's authentic Beijing style that you can't find anywhere in the world. Also, it's also for us to experience wut ppl from lower levels of Beijing are eating each day. So dis is old food but taste totally new to us.
Da brown stuff is called "mian cha" (noodle tea) taste like soup with flour. THe yellow thing is called "wo wo tou" , once a fav of Empress CiXi...which tasted so dry n hard as a rock. But authentic it is


past by cool shop that sold military related stuff n my friend bot me a green tote bag with chairman's mao face on it. Dun even know if i would carry dat on da streets hehe...


FIRST STOP--FORBIDDEN CITY
dis is the most highly anticipated sightseeing site for me. if i had to choose i would rather give up da great wall to c dis. indeed i find it more amusing den da great wall. just showing ya 2 pics cos da palace is too big, too much to talk abt so y bother? haha. Too many stories inside n we din totally visited everything cos da weather was too hot n Olympics reconstruction was going around so we didn't get to see sum of places dang...So to sum up...man..were we rich, geniuses


We had a cool gadget wen we're in. A e-map with recorded voice, so while we walked around with da map there's a voice telling stories of da palace~cool! Not a keepers though hehe...


YONG HE GONG
we were half exhausted n we still headed toward our next stop: YONG HE GONG. I heard very little of dis place but it was still a cool visit being that i'm a Buddhist. It's cool to worship inside a place where da kings n queens once did. Dis is a highly prestigious site where early kings n queens went for Buddhist worship. This branch of Buddhism was Tibetan n inside we saw status of Buddha made with every jewellery u can think of... cept diamond i think haha. Got sum neat architecture inside and a cool Guiness World Record made, couldn't take a picture of it but took picture of da record plate



wrapping it up next time peepz